Live ChatArticle written by SSAFA Support Groups Executive Officer, Jason Winer
The loss of a loved one and memories come, of course, at any time of year. November, however, includes Remembrance Sunday, and the month can be a particularly poignant time for those thinking of friends, colleagues, and family members no longer with you whether with a military background or not.
Here, Jason Winer, who looks after SSAFA’s Bereavement Support Groups, shares some insights into loss and grief.
Bereavement is a deeply personal journey, often marked by a wide range of emotions that can feel confusing or overwhelming. Even when death is expected, the initial shock can be profound, sudden, and surreal, as if the loss isn’t quite real.
Many people experience numbness, a fog-like state where emotions seem distant. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself from the intensity of grief. For others, feeling overwhelmed may come quickly, with waves of tears and sorrow that feel uncontrollable. These reactions, though painful, are entirely normal. We all grieve differently.
Sometimes, there’s a sense of relief, especially if the person who died had been suffering. This doesn’t mean you loved them any less, it simply reflects compassion and the end of their pain. Alongside this, guilt may surface. You might replay moments, wishing you’d said or done something differently. It’s important to remember that these feelings are common, but the loss is not your fault.
Anger can also arise, at the situation, at others, or even at yourself. This too is a natural part of grieving. The emotional pain and deep sadness that follow can make everyday tasks feel impossible. Sometimes, this sadness resembles depression, and seeking support can help.
Grief often brings anxiety about the future and how to move forward without your loved one.
It can also affect your body, causing sleep issues, changes in appetite, fatigue, and even illness. Taking care of yourself is essential during this time.
If your relationship with the person was complicated, mixed feelings may emerge. You might mourn the good while feeling conflicted about the rest. That’s okay. Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Be gentle with yourself and allow healing to unfold in its own time.
Coping with grief is a deeply personal process, but there are several supportive strategies that many people find helpful. Here are some of the most common and effective ways to navigate the emotional terrain of loss:
Emotional support
Talk about your feelings: sharing your thoughts with trusted friends, family, or a counsellor can help lighten the emotional load. You can also contact the RAF PS&SWS.
Join a SSAFA Bereavement Support Group: peer to peer support, connecting with others who are grieving can provide comfort and validation and help navigate the path together. Find out more, and join a group on our webpage here.
Self-Care practices
Prioritise rest and nutrition: grief can affect sleep and appetite, so try to maintain a routine that supports not just your mental wellbeing but also your physical health.
Engage in calming activities: meditation, journaling, grounding or gentle exercise can help regulate overwhelming emotions.
| Journaling is writing to express emotions, gain self-awareness, reduce stress, and process difficult experiences. Benefits can include decreased anxiety and depression symptoms, improved mood, and a clearer understanding of thoughts and behaviours. Grounding is a mental health technique that helps you stay present and calm by focusing on your physical environment and senses to shift attention away from distressing thoughts or feelings. |
Expressive outlets
Creative expression: art, music, or writing can be powerful tools for processing grief and honouring your loved one.
Rituals and remembrance: lighting a candle, creating a memory box, or celebrating anniversaries can help keep the connection alive.
Give yourself time
Accept the ups and downs: grief isn’t linear. You may feel okay one day and overwhelmed the next. That’s normal.
Avoid rushing the process: healing takes time, and there’s no “right” timeline for feeling better.
When to seek help
If grief begins to interfere with daily life or feels unmanageable, consider speaking with a mental health professional. They can help distinguish between grief and conditions like depression.
The most important thing to remember?
Be kind to yourself.