Toolkits for Tough Times: Pornography Addiction

A look at what porn addiction is, and how to effectively overcome it.

Article written by SSAFA Welfare Officer: Jayne Feek

The Ministry of Defence unsurprisingly takes addiction with UK Armed Forces very seriously. It’s a topical matter, too, as in mid-April 2025, questions were asked in Parliament by the Lord Bishop of St Albans on gambling addiction in the Forces.

In the first of several pieces on addiction and addictive behaviours, SSAFA RAF Personal Support & Social Work Service Welfare Officer Jayne Feek begins with porn, though substance and gambling addiction will be included in future articles.


What is pornography addition?

I am not a subject matter expert on porn or other forms of addiction but have – through my roles within the prison service and work with charities who support people with addictions – gained much valuable experience in this area. 

Porn is now extremely easy to access from an early age. It can create a very false sense of what sex is like, and the expectation nearly never meets the images people have seen through being exposed to unrealistic porn on the internet.

This in turn may impact on the way people act and what they expect in relationships.

But a caveat: let’s not forget porn is not always a problem; it can be used in a healthy way in relationships when all parties are both aware and have the same desires.

Porn becomes a problem when it is hidden in a relationship, or when it changes how you see people and when you objectify them, when your desires impact on your everyday life.

Unlike other addictions, porn addiction is usually a very private, secret, and personal addiction and when it’s exposed, the person can feel very vulnerable and fearful of being judged and labelled.


How can the Personal Support and Social Work Service help?

SSAFA’s RAF PS & SWS has supported several serving personnel who have discovered that they have an issue with porn.

Generally, this only comes to light when that person is in a relationship and it has been discovered by the partner and they are at risk of that relationship breaking down, or they find themselves in a compromising situation, a situation that might impact negatively on their work.

SSAFA’s RAF PS & SWS offers a confidential service where people can be supported in a safe and non-judgmental way, but it is made extremely clear from the start if they disclose anything that has caused harm or is illegal, then we will report it. 

So, Aviator Z comes to us with their concern – and let’s be clear that this is often quite a step to take – and we establish what kind of support they need. In the RAF PS&SWS, we’re able to signpost to relevant outside agencies and on some occasions refer for medical support as being exposed/found out unexpectedly has impacted on their mental health.

In my experience, the fact that clear professional boundaries are set in the initial meeting has not deterred the person from being able to talk about their addiction; it can actually be quite the opposite as it often makes them feel that they are safe, and that we’re not shocked. It makes people feel at ease by just accepting and listening to what they want to talk about. In fact, it’s often a relief to finally be able to talk.

In a recent case, I had concerns so I informed the person that I would be asking the police to carry out a “safe and well check” at the family home. 

In this case, the person continued to work with me for many months, and with support from outside agencies, they were able to understand their addiction and with help they found strategies to prevent it impacting further on their family and work life.


Counselling and first steps

We – RAF PS & SWS Welfare Officers and SSAFA generally – endeavour not to judge, but to create a safe place where people can find support within our guidelines, whatever the problem is, in a way that assists in their recovery.

For example, we can support RAF serving personnel to access six free sessions with RELATE, through the RAF Benevolent Fund (RAFBF), which has counsellors who specialise in porn or sex (or both) addictions. 

RAFBF also offers up to 10 free sessions of a listening and counselling service. Both these services can also be made available to their partners if relevant.

But before this, the most important, and as I said earlier, most difficult, step to take is to contact us, and you can do this through any of the ways below:

  • Live Chat: please click on the Live Chat button at the top of the page, or in the bottom right corner.