As we celebrate Mother’s Day, SSAFA’s Millie Carter sat down with Selina Clark, a Welfare Officer for the RAF Personal Support & Social Work Service, based at RAF Honington, to discuss what it means to be a mum. From the struggles and stress of juggling a work-life balance to the heart-warming moments motherhood brings.
Our Welfare Officers are there to support the serving RAF Personnel and their families - they will provide practical advice and a listening ear. They support people to give them the tools and knowledge they need to take control of their situation whether it is in relation to mental health, relationship issues, money worries, bereavement or housing.
Selina shares that: “becoming a mum was one of the best things that I've ever done. With two 16-year-old stepchildren and a three-year-old daughter the age gap is quite big, which can be a challenge. With my daughter, the hardest bit is trying to arrange childcare. My husband and I both work full-time in busy jobs and with no support network around us - a common occurrence within the military - it gives me an insight into the challenges that people come to see me about.”
Millie asked Selina about the challenges she has faced being a working mum within the RAF.
“After moving house just weeks before Christmas last year, our daughter’s nursery closed for six weeks. Suddenly my husband and I were thrown in the deep end. With him being an RAF Armourer and me a Welfare Officer, we both had important duties at work, however one of us was always needing to be at home to care for our daughter. It was a really hard time.
“I think as a mother, you have to be very good at spinning plates and keeping your eye on the ball because it doesn't just stop at being a mother and someone that works full-time; the washing still needs to be done, finances sorted and food has to be put on plates. When going through stressful situations, I always like to remind myself that I am not alone - there is usually someone that comes through the SSAFA door who is also experiencing these struggles, and I try to use my experiences to empathise with them.”
Millie went on to ask if Selina has any signs when things get too much and how she reaches out for help.
“I think it's things like being aware of emotional burnout. For myself, when I get stressed about things, I get emotional - things that wouldn’t normally make me cry, then make me cry. It's about having an awareness of that. I know it's difficult, particularly for military families if they haven't got that support network around them. As a parent, or a mother, you must be able to carry on, and carry on in a healthy way both for yourself and your children. Over time I've taught myself to become self-aware of my trigger points and how to manage them. Fortunately for me, I'm able to talk to my colleagues about it within SSAFA’s RAF Personal Support and Social Work Service. Having a supportive team leader is brilliant.
“I often say to people there is power in talking about your situation because it helps having somebody advise and provide insight, even if it just a listening ear. Experiencing the PS&SWS first hand, I was able to see what we can truly offer to those who reach out to us for support.”
SSAFA’s RAF Personal Support and Social Work Service is a safe space for RAF serving personnel and their families to get anything off their chest. There’s no judgement, with everyone treated with respect, whatever is shared. Independent of the chain of command, the team are on hand to provide advice on all of life’s challenges, from relationship issues to money worries, housing troubles to coping with bereavement.
Millie went on to ask Selina about specific additional support services available within the military community.
“It’s different from area-to-area but at RAF Honington, we have things like Home Start, which supports families with children up to the age of 12. Whilst not there for babysitting, they are on hand to support in the day-to-day activities and provide a listening ear. This service is vital because on an isolated station where we have big deployments, we know that people may be sitting at home with their children struggling. I know first-hand having someone around to support and listen through the frustrations, loneliness and tears makes all the difference.”
Millie asked Selina for top tips for some of the challenges mums face.
“Just keep talking. Mum guilt is universal, everybody feels it. You're not on your own when it comes to feeling conflicted about not being around - you're doing what is best for your family. No one should have to battle alone.”
To all the mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, and motherly figures, we wish you a wonderful day and thank you for everything you do!
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Selina Clark and her RAF husband and daughter! |
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